#ADHDfail
I wanted this week’s post to be all about Bullet Journaling. In fact, I was looking forward to telling you why I love my Bujo. I wanted to share with you how it’s helped me and how it could help you, too. I’d planned on sharing why it can be especially perfect for the ADHD brain.
From researching, taking notes, starting my Bujo, and using my bullet journal faithfully since my ADHD diagnosis, I’ve been collecting and gathering tidbits of information in my brain, that I have wanted to share with you today. I’ve literally been working on it all day, but unfortunately, here I am — late in the afternoon, with nothing “put together” to post. I feel like a hot mess. My thoughts are all over the place. I’m literally sick to my stomach and angry at myself for failing … for failing myself, my commitment, and for failing you. #adhdfail
What’s Worse …
This isn’t even the first time I’ve tried to write about bullet journaling since starting my blog either. The last time I planned to do so, I ended up completely changing course and writing about something different.
I don’t know if I’m intimidated because there are countless blogs, Instagram posts, Pinterest boards dedicated to this simple-yet-innovative journaling system … or if it’s something else entirely. I’m sure I could blame it on a million things from being too busy with more important / more urgent things throughout the week that demanded my attention … to the fact that my backup plan got blown because we had a change of schedule this weekend.
Ultimately, I can’t seem to help blaming myself – and being hard on myself for not being able to manage my time better. And that sucks. I just know that I’ve been playing tug-of-war with my brain all day. #adhdfail
What’s My Deal?
My bullet journal has been one of the few elements of my overall treatment plan I’ve been able to consistently and successfully pull off since diagnosis. So, why am I having such a hard time sharing about it?
I even wanted to get Indy (the Hubs) into using a Bujo and gave him a “starter set” for Valentine’s. But similarly, I can’t get myself to commandeer the time to sit down and show him how to use it… and it’s almost April.
Why can’t I make myself focus on sharing about this? I’m interested in bullet journaling. I really am. If I have an interest-based nervous system, …. what’s my deal? #adhdfail
Out of Alignment
I’ve just found myself veering off on sidetracks and doing other things all day. I keep bringing my focus back, but it leaves shortly after. That’s why I decided just to sit here and let my thoughts hit the page and share this (my internal chaos) instead.
I know we all know what this feels like. The things … you just can’t make yourself do, even though you actually want to… I just feel exhausted. I’m so tired. I’ve been dying for a “day off” for so long. And by day off… I mean a day to do nothing and have no demands. Unfortunately my typical idea of a day off is usually filled with a laundry list of to do’s that I “finally have the time to do.” #adhdfail
Anyway, this is where I’m at. This is what there is. This is what I am going to be posting. I hope your week was more productive than mine! And with any luck I’ll get it together to actually get a productive Bujo post online for next week. #adhdfail
This is kinda a weird comment but I LOVE the structure of your post 🙂
I learnt this thing not too long ago and I may be off but it sounds like what you may be talking about. “Perfectionism Paralyzes Progress”. Is it that you can’t even start because you want your bullet journal post to be perfect? It could help to remember that your post wont be published until you actually decide you want it to be released into the world! It could also help to put up a picture on your mirror, wall, or wherever of the reward that you will get once you post your bullet journal post (you can help someone, it will be more clear to yourself how the bullet journal helps you, the negative feeling you have about incompletion will be gone, etc.). I learnt so much on this subject! I do not want to bore you if you aren’t interested haha. If you want to learn more, send me a message and ill be more than happy to share!!
Ha! Thanks on liking the structure of this post! Especially considering I couldn’t figure out how to structure the Bullet Journal post I’d wanted to write!! 🙂
I do think you are largely right … that perfectionism was rearing it’s head. Probably executive function issues too, though. I just had so much I wanted to say, couldn’t figure how to break it down into smaller parts to share it clearly … and I wanted to do it “just right.”
oh yes! The impaired executive functions 🙁